


let the words fall out (I want to see you be brave)

by gummyfang



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: (sorta) - Freeform, Canon Compliant, Coming Out, F/F, Implied Gay Will Byers, Internalized Homophobia, Lesbian Mike Wheeler, Mileven, Self-Discovery, Stranger Things 3, Trans Female Character, Trans Female Mike Wheeler, Trans Mike Wheeler, mike comes out as a lesbian to robin, starcourt wasn’t completely destroyed bc I said so, steve is sorta there and he’s wonderful, we love PARALLELS my dude
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-08
Updated: 2019-07-08
Packaged: 2020-06-24 09:58:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19721365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gummyfang/pseuds/gummyfang
Summary: “But..” Robin said, confused, “El is a girl?”Mike looked up, eyes full of fear. Yet still ever-present, was her determination.“What if I am too?”———Mike Wheeler doesn’t think she’s a boy. She seeks out the one person that might understand.





	let the words fall out (I want to see you be brave)

**Author's Note:**

> this was heavily inspired by [OpheliaMarina’s](https://archiveofourown.org/users/OpheliaMarina/works) trans lesbian mike fics! please check them out, and mayhaps keep an open mind reading.

Mike wouldn’t consider herself brave. It’s a word many of her friends have used to describe her, in jest or in praise. A sly grin on Lucas’s face when Mike jumped at a horror movie. 

“Wow, I guess the brave Mike Wheeler gets scared after allll!”

A tender smile on Will’s face after one of Mike’s grand speeches.

“Mike.. you’re incredible. I wish I knew how to be as brave as you.”

(There was always subtext in those words. So many of Mike and Will’s conversations were coded in a way she couldn’t begin to explain.)

But Mike didn’t feel brave. She didn’t feel brave most of the time. Whenever El got hurt, Mike was absolutely terrified, the prospect of losing her taking precedent over all else. Whenever Will might be in danger, because in some ways he was the only one who understood. When some jackass at school looked at her, like they could see right into her very soul, the words “queer” stinging Mike in a way that felt all-too deep for a simple schoolyard insult. Whenever her mom looked at her with pride, the wrong kind of pride, as she called her “handsome”.

Mike hated that word. Strange to despise such a word meant as a compliment. “Handsome” this, “handsome” that, like she was some kind of dashing heroic knight. Mike wanted to be a hero, just not that kind. 

The only time she truly felt seen is when El would look at her. El, so brave, much braver than Mike could ever hope to be. El, who fought tooth and nail to get to where she is. El, who didn’t care what assholes thought of her, how they looked at her. When El would look at Mike, eyes full of adoration and mutter one simple word, “Pretty”, usually accompanied by a caress of the cheek or a lock of hair pulled back, it was only then that Mike felt truly seen. 

That’s why it hurt all the more when El would say “boyfriend”. When Max looked at Mike in disgust, for El’s sake, like Mike was just like Lucas. Just like Dustin. And Mike honestly didn’t do herself any favors on that part. Playing along to what she was supposed to act like. What movies said a young man should do and say. Distanced herself from Will, because he was too much like her in slightly different ways. Because if she played the part well enough, committed more heavily, maybe she wouldn’t feel so out of place anymore. 

But it wasn’t worth it. It wasn’t worth it for El to look at her like she was a different person. Like Mike wasn’t the same, for El to look at Mike the exact same way everyone else in the world looked at her. 

So no, Mike wasn’t brave at all. But she knew someone who was.

———

Robin carried herself like she knew exactly who she was. Like she was exactly who she was meant to be. Robin talked to people like they couldn’t change her mind. Mike wanted to be that. She wished she was brave enough to be that. 

And so everything clicked one night. A night that saw everyone gathered ‘round a table at the Starcourt Mall food court, a group of friends that had grown way beyond Mike’s party, much to her original resistance. But now she was glad. It helped fill the void that was made when her girlfriend and her best friend moved away. Helped soothe the nightmares she had of the last three years. Mike could still laugh when Steve would throw french fries in retaliation to the loving bullying the kids would hurl towards him. Still laugh at the very visible eyeroll Max would make whenever Dustin brought up his “Suzie-poo”.

Everything was so different, yet still the same. A very delicate status quo. And then Robin strode towards their table, but not by herself. Her arm was slung comfortably around a girl with short spiky hair and a leather jacket. 

In almost perfect unison, everyone rose their eyebrows. Everyone except Steve, who just grinned, and waved his hand enthusiastically up in the air. 

“Hey Rob, over here!”

As the two approached the table, Robin carried herself with her usual swagger, but her face gave a small window into her mind, a crack of three inches just like Hopper would insist, a crack into a mind that was incredibly worried. 

She continued on though.

“Hey dweebs, this is my girlfriend, Cheryl. Cheryl, these are the dweebs.”

Everyone was silent for a beat, and then conversation arose all at once, loud and constant, misguided, bewildered, but mostly supportive. The word “dyke” was innocently tossed in among the mix, which earned a harsh scolding from Steve. But to Mike, all the voices seemed underwater, dulled to a fuzz of audio and sound. 

All Mike could do was stare at the way Robin and Cheryl looked at each other, the way Robin appeared so feminine yet so strong. And in that moment, Mike knew. This was what she was trying to push down. That was the way she looked at El. That’s who she wanted to be. Who she always was. 

Mike wasn’t brave. But Robin sure was. And maybe, just maybe, Robin could lend some of her bravery to Mike. 

———

Mike found her resolve, wrote a couple of notes trying to organize her feelings, before deciding “fuck it”. She would wing it like she always did.

She marched over to Starcourt, alone. To Scoops A’Hoy, alone. It was only when she got to the storefront that she realized she didn’t even know what shifts Robin worked. But it was too late. Decisions were made. Anxiety attacks were had. There was nothing left to do but walk into the ice cream store with the determination no one walks into an ice cream store with. Besides maybe Erica to retrieve a free sundae.

By some miracle (or maybe due to the fact that Scoops A’Hoy was woefully underemployed), Robin was working.

She looked bored out of her mind and had completely zoned out when Mike approached the register. Robin spoke on autopilot.

“Welcome to Scoops A’Hoy what can I get for y-“ she looked up.

“-oh, hey Mike. What are you doing here without the rest of the nerd crew?”

Mike swallowed heavily, unsure. But if she turned back now, she would never forgive herself. 

“Actually, I was hoping to talk to you.” Mike said, “Alone.” she emphasized.

Robin rose an eyebrow, but didn’t question her beyond that.

“Well if you can’t see, I’m working.” Robin said, “But I suppose I could spare five minutes of my precious time to humor a fourteen year old boy. I’ll get Steve out here, let’s head to the break room”

Mike felt her stomach lurch at the word “boy”, but tried to appear unbothered as she followed Robin into the back.

Robin slammed the door open with force and yelled at a resting Steve, “HEY HAIR, YOUR TURN!”.

Steve begrudgingly walked out, leaving the too-sterile room menacingly empty. As Mike sat across from Robin, she was suddenly at a loss for words. All the planning and rehearsing she had spent her night doing, vanished like smoke in an instant.

After a couple beats of awkward silence, Robin made the executive decision to start up the conversation;

“Well, what did you want to tell me?”

It was one of those now or never situations Mike had encountered countless times in DnD campaigns. Mike could turn it around. Act like she was coming to ask a question for foreign language homework. She could repress it all, it wasn’t too late.

“How.. how did you know?” Mike said softly, almost a whisper.

“Excuse me?” Robin asked, and Mike wasn’t quite sure if it was due to her not hearing properly, or if Robin just didn’t understand.

“How did you know?” Mike said, so much louder that it surprised even herself. 

Mike spoke softer when she continued, “How did you know you were.. y’know?”

Robin looked completely taken aback. An array of expressions crossed her face in the course of three short seconds, surprise, confusion, judgement, and finally, understanding.

“That’s a story too long to tell over my work break.” she started, “But I guess a part of me was always aware that I was.. different in some way. But without fail, I found a way to chalk it up to something else and rationalize. I can’t stop staring at Kate Lewis? It’s because I was jealous of her making out with Daniel Cooper, obviously.”

“Until one day I was at a sleepover, and I saw two of my girl friends kiss ‘for fun’. Just practice, y’know? And it.. clicked. I didn’t want it as ‘practice’. I wanted it for real.”

With each word Robin spoke, Mike became more and more shaken. Everything hit too close to home. Mike messing with Nancy’s makeup. Looking at herself in the mirror and seeing herself, truly, for the first time. Not wanting practice. Wanting it for real.

Robin stopped, looked down at the table, seemed like she was debating saying something. Then she took a deep breath, looked Mike in the eyes, and went on with it.

“Is there a reason you needed to ask me this, Mike?”

Mike’s voice wouldn’t work. It was entirely too terrifying to verbalize this thing that’s been inside of her since childhood, something she could see but needed to ignore at all costs.

But she had come too far. So she looked at Robin and nodded slowly, once, twice, three times.

“I’m.. like you.” Mike managed to say.

Robin’s eyes softened, the softest Mike had ever seen them.

“Mike.. are you gay?”

Mike couldn’t even manage to look Robin in the eyes this time, so she closed her eyes, put her head down, and nodded, only once.

It was then that Robin reached across the table, and took Mike’s left hand in hers.

“But.. what about El?” she asked

“I’m still in love with her.” Mike managed.

“But..” Robin said, confused, “El is a girl?”

Mike looked up, eyes full of fear. Yet still ever-present, was her determination.

“What if I am too?”

Robin looked surprised, like she was still processing. Twenty percent to understanding. Fifty percent. Ninety percent.

One hundred.

“Oh.. OH.” she simply said.

Mike couldn’t hold her tears in anymore, the gate was opened and it couldn’t be closed.

“I- I don’t even know if it’s a thing that can happen. I don’t know where my brain went wrong, but I always feel like.. I’m faking. I always feel like i’m playing a part. But when El looks at me, like I’m something pretty. I feel.. real. I don’t know...”

Mike’s brain ran out of ways to verbalize her emotions, as they all melded together in one mess.

“I don’t know.” she said.

Robin looked pensive, like she was thinking. Planning out her next words carefully. Then she outstretched her other hand so Mike could grasp both. And she squeezed them tight, sure and steady, in reassurance.

“I’m so glad you told me.” she said, trying to emphasize every individual word so Mike could hear her and understand, in some capacity, that she wasn’t alone.

“Guess The Hair has another teenage girl in his posse that’s smarter than him.” Robin said.

And Mike laughed. A frantic but joyful release of emotion. A small part of her was free. Robin laughed in return with equal fervor. And they both stayed like that. Hands clasped, desperately laughing their hearts out, understanding passing amongst them through their fingertips.

Soon their laughter slowed to a small giggle, as the energy in the room settled down to a comfortable fizzle.

Robin stayed silent for a moment.

“Are you going to tell El?” she asked.

“I-I want to,” Mike said, “I really want to! And in some ways, I think she already knows. But Robin, she’s the most important person in the world to me! If she looks at me like i’m a some type of freak.. I don’t know how i’d be able to handle that.”

Robin brought their joint hands together, “Mike, it’s your decision. And you know El much better than I do. But I have to ask, do you think she would ever really look at you as a freak?”

Mike let out a halfhearted laugh. She thought of El. Her El, who spent her whole entire life being alienated from humanity, barred from normalcy. El, who would simply compliment Mike with her eyes lit up when she walked in on Mike with lipstick on. El, who turned her eyebrows up in confusion whenever anyone would try to explain the specifics of gender roles to her. 

“It’s stupid.” she would say, “And I’m not stupid.”

Mike smiled at the memory, almost to herself more than Robin, a bright grin like a secret only for her.

“No,” she said, “El would never.”

————

As Mike and Robin left the break room, Robin gave her the biggest hug, full of affection and unspoken meaning.

“Here’s my number.” Robin said, smiling and handing Mike a slip of paper.

“And y’know what? Out of all Steve’s kids, you’re my favorite.”

———

That night, Mike sat down in her basement, and looked at the corner where El had hidden out in the tent, all those years ago. It felt both a thousand lightyears away, while also seeming a memory from just yesterday.

Mike got out a piece paper and an envelope. She addressed it to El’s new house, where she was living amongst some of Mike’s favorite people in the whole wide world.

Mike put the pen to paper.

“Dear El...”

She was ready to finally be brave.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed mentor robin and her small lesbian underling. if u wanna talk to me abt the tstc (trans stranger things conspiracy), yell @ me on [twitter](http://twitter.com/lesserbian_). please comment I need the validation. have a wonderful day!


End file.
